the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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