He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
