If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
