this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
