...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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