I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
