Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
