my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
