Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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