READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
