Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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