I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
