What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
