Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
