So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
