Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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