In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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