What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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