I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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