also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
