I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
