Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
