Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
