Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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