so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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