Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize