3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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