it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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