My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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