We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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