He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
