You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
