Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
