life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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