We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
