i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize