thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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