your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
