I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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