I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
