She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
