Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
