you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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