we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
