the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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