He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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