i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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