Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
