Fine. I'll sleep in my office
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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