____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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