She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
