If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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