could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize