he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
