I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He better not be in your backpack
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
