My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize