your thong is hanging out like whoa
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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