If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
