I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
