btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
