Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
