...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize