What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
