you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
