3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i permit you to call me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
