I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have aggressive nipples.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
