Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
